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Liz Barry

How to name and

shame legally

Why won’t they see me? How it feels Royal Mail Steve Hewitt

Why do my children refuse to see me?

It is very common for children to become emotionally alienated from  the parent they do not live with.

I am sometimes asked why my children still refuse to have anything to do with me. They are grown up now. My eldest two are 22 and 24. They can make up their own minds, so why is it that they have refused to see me or speak to me for the last 14 years, and continue to do so?


I believe they would find it painful to break from the position they have adopted for all this time. They were tricked, as young children, into conspiring with their mother against me. This must leave them with painful memories and feelings of guilt. They were not at fault. They were young children, but this will not prevent them feeling bad about what they were made to do. They deal with this, I believe, by avoiding anything which reminds them of me, and in particular by avoiding seeing me or speaking to me, or anyone on my side of their family.


I also believe this is unsustainable in the long term. The longer they avoid these issues and bury these painful memories, the more damage it does to them. That is why I persist in trying to see them. Their childhood is lost to me now, and can never be recovered, but a parent’s responsibilities do not end, and neither does my love for my children. The sooner they are reconciled with me, the easier  they will find it to come to terms with these things and to be at peace with themselves.

I am  in blood stepped in so far, should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as to go o’er  Macbeth ( Act 3, Scene 4: 135 - 137)